Alternately titled:
How to Make a Kraken Figurine in Five Minutes During Your Lunch Break Without Getting Ceasar Salad Dressing on Your Tie
According to Wikipedia:
Occam’s razor is the principle that “entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity” (entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem). The popular interpretation of this principle is that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. Simplest is not defined by the time or number of words it takes to express the theory; simplest is really referring to the theory with the fewest new assumptions.
Step 1:
Open the top of your plastic salad container. You might be tempted by the delicious smell of roasted chicken and garlicky ceasar salad dressing to just have at it, but I advise you wait a second and make some careful preparations so you don’t ruin yet another tie. Also while you do this open up Turbo Squid Tentacles, set the slider to free and type in squid.
Damn only one free squid model...
Step 2:
Get some proper utensils. You and I both know that the spork implement that the deli packages with these salads just plain suck. A spork just doesn’t have the necessary ‘bite’ to grab both succulent pieces of chicken and crunchy romaine lettuce at the same time. Do yourself a favor and head to the office kitchen where you can get a real metal fork. Before you go, open up 3DMax and strip out the eyeball and a bunch of the deeper textures in this otherwise craptastic model.
There thats a little better.
Step 3:
You lower your freshly obtained fork towards the salad but catch yourself at the moment before its tines touch the creamy sea of flavor. We’ve addressed utensil slippage but what about splatter? There are essentially two schools of thought here, both of which make you look dumb but will preserve the integrity of your neckwear. Option A is the napkin tucked into the collar affectionately known as the redneck ascot, Option B is the more sassy ‘over the shoulder’ manuever. Pick whichever one you like, it’s really a matter of personal preference. While you make that decision, open photoshop, rotate the squid, scale and fatten him up a bit (he’s been dining on DHW ships after all) and adjust the hue to something approximating DF’s figurine colors.
No Anorexic Squid Allowed
Step 4:
Finally it’s go time! You lay into that salad with all the pent up hunger that skipping breakfast can cause. Meanwhile a google image search of Darkfall backpack gives you the perfect image… some idiot’s mount bag.
Mount Bag Ahoy
Step 5:
Wash out and recycle your plastic container if applicable. Remove the neck napkin or unsling your tie from over your shoulder as necessary. Failure to do either of these will make you look like a moron when you get up to stroll around the office after lunch. Before you do head out to make the rounds of small talk and other assorted time wasters, fire one of your new kraken figurines into the mount bag. Actually better put three in there just to make it blend in with the rest of the items. Combine mount bag with clan station photo and presto troll bait for the forum idiots.
You guys are pretty fucking gulliable.
Thanks for all the entertainment forumfall.
Some of my favorite quotes:
I know Kill Cult has a dev in their clan, so that is a bit of an odd coincidence, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt if someone actually knows what that item is. - Zarithas
Gosh, thank goodness he’s giving us the benefit of his doubt.
I foresaw this happening, so….
*posts original photoshopped picture*
might as well stop being faggots kc/LoD and just respond with a legit answer. - Itwas Luck
I DONT NOT LIKE KNOWING STUFFS!
I think they need to do an IMMEDIATE scan for the item-id for that type of item and BAN the accounts who house them. Assuming of course this is an illegal item to have. I’m not going to play a game that houses this type of corruption and allow it to go un-punished. I wanna see someone get fired/banned. - Grim Creaper
I’m going to take this case all the way to the mayor!
It’s a troll but they opened up the can of worms so ppl are using this time to point out the special favors that LoD has been granted throughout the game… - Scrappy Doo
You folks are dumb enough to believe this thread, it’s not surprising that you believe everything else you refered to..
While I do believe that shit is fake, I’ve chased LoD on several boats, and the kraken always attacks mine instead of theirs. It’s even spawned inside of my boat and we could not move once. - Damphousse
I hear ya man, sometimes I drive down the street and hit every red light.
